I looked at my own cervix.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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