i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
