I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
