Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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