the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
