Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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