Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize