my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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