Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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