the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
