I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
