I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
