Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
