just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
