I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
