i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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