I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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