For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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