i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize