My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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