maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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