dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
