whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
