My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
