T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
