i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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