look no pants
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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