Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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