i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
