got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
