No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
