having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
