I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize