is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
