I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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