he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
