u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
