we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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