Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
