I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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