I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
