Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
