I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
