Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
