can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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