i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
