So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
