Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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