Nicole vs. Life
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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