I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
