Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
