Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So much Jack, so little girl.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
