Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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