Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
