oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
