worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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