I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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