I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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