I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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