I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i came on her dog
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
