No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
