It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
