Cold hands, warm shart.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
