Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
