my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize