you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
