she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
