after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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