Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
