cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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