I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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