she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize