I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
