Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
